Tuesday, August 31, 2010
The Eeyore Syndrome
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Note to Self
Note to Self:
If I'm going to talk about the scary things and feel the sadness, that's all good. But not everybody is going to feel the same way I do or want to deal with granma's cancer the way I do. So then what? If I want to talk and they don't.......what then?......Is it going to make me crazy that they don't want to talk or feel? Yep, it's going to make me crazy. So if I know this going in.......what can I do to help myself? That's a good question, doncha think? Yes indeedy I think that is a respectable question. When people don't act, say, or think they way I think they should.......then what? Then sista......GROW UP! OOOOOOOOOUCH, that was harsh. No...that was the voice of a distant counselor.
It's not about me is it? Now there's a thought! A life lesson I'm trying to grab hold of and hang onto. It's a bit elusive though. Hard to hold onto. Sort of like that greased up pig I read about as a kid. Non-the-less a good thing to remember.
If I'm going to talk about the scary things and feel the sadness, that's all good. But not everybody is going to feel the same way I do or want to deal with granma's cancer the way I do. So then what? If I want to talk and they don't.......what then?......Is it going to make me crazy that they don't want to talk or feel? Yep, it's going to make me crazy. So if I know this going in.......what can I do to help myself? That's a good question, doncha think? Yes indeedy I think that is a respectable question. When people don't act, say, or think they way I think they should.......then what? Then sista......GROW UP! OOOOOOOOOUCH, that was harsh. No...that was the voice of a distant counselor.
It's not about me is it? Now there's a thought! A life lesson I'm trying to grab hold of and hang onto. It's a bit elusive though. Hard to hold onto. Sort of like that greased up pig I read about as a kid. Non-the-less a good thing to remember.
Feel The Sadness
I had a best friend, years and years ago.....my best friend in the whole wide world.....she died of cancer.....I was there through it all. That was sad. Really sad. Really, really sad....but I didn't cry. I was numb. Wouldn't let myself feel the pain. My mantra was I'm fine, I'm fine . I wasn't fine, but I didn't know it.
I had another friend, a dear, dear friend.....she died of Lupus. I was with her when she died. I let myself feel the pain when she died, and to this very day I still think of her and miss her terribly.
My grandmother has cancer. There is no treatment. But nobody will say how long she has to live or how quickly it will spread. My husband says nobody knows for sure and I say....... but isn't that the question everybody asks? Aren't we suppose to ask "What's the prognosis?" And he tells me "Only God knows for sure." and I think to myself "yep that's right....only God knows for sure." Is it really important to know "how long"? Maybe a person has to get their life in order...... Or maybe get their business settled. I'm sure there are things........an urgency one feels when they know the time is near. Do I know that for sure? I've only heard it told in books and movies. I don't know for sure.
I don't want to hide my feelings I don't want to ever deal with death the way I did years and years ago. It was cold and scary. I divorced myself from ever feeling the sting of her death. I divorced myself from her family and anything associated with her life. When she died, she became a memory and ceased being an important part of my life.
Loved ones can still be important parts of a persons life even when they're gone. I caught a glimpse of that when my other friend died of Lupus. There were things I couldn't do.....but.....I allowed myself to feel the sting of her death, heal from that, and hold on to the precious memories which were and still are, important parts of my life today.
My grandmother has cancer. She is going to die.....probably soon. How do we prepare for that? Let's feel the sadness, and talk about the things that are scary. Then with God's mercy and grace pray for the strength to love each other through this difficult time.
This time I'm going to cry. I'm going to feel the sadness.
There is a good thing...... A great thing that can happen through all of this.......I'm going to love with a happy heart. Love her with a happy heart all the way to heaven. There is comfort in knowing that!
Thanking God for His Great Plan of Salvation!
See ya in Heaven Granma!
I had another friend, a dear, dear friend.....she died of Lupus. I was with her when she died. I let myself feel the pain when she died, and to this very day I still think of her and miss her terribly.
My grandmother has cancer. There is no treatment. But nobody will say how long she has to live or how quickly it will spread. My husband says nobody knows for sure and I say....... but isn't that the question everybody asks? Aren't we suppose to ask "What's the prognosis?" And he tells me "Only God knows for sure." and I think to myself "yep that's right....only God knows for sure." Is it really important to know "how long"? Maybe a person has to get their life in order...... Or maybe get their business settled. I'm sure there are things........an urgency one feels when they know the time is near. Do I know that for sure? I've only heard it told in books and movies. I don't know for sure.
I don't want to hide my feelings I don't want to ever deal with death the way I did years and years ago. It was cold and scary. I divorced myself from ever feeling the sting of her death. I divorced myself from her family and anything associated with her life. When she died, she became a memory and ceased being an important part of my life.
Loved ones can still be important parts of a persons life even when they're gone. I caught a glimpse of that when my other friend died of Lupus. There were things I couldn't do.....but.....I allowed myself to feel the sting of her death, heal from that, and hold on to the precious memories which were and still are, important parts of my life today.
My grandmother has cancer. She is going to die.....probably soon. How do we prepare for that? Let's feel the sadness, and talk about the things that are scary. Then with God's mercy and grace pray for the strength to love each other through this difficult time.
This time I'm going to cry. I'm going to feel the sadness.
There is a good thing...... A great thing that can happen through all of this.......I'm going to love with a happy heart. Love her with a happy heart all the way to heaven. There is comfort in knowing that!
Thanking God for His Great Plan of Salvation!
See ya in Heaven Granma!
Three Levels. Four People.
There is a family I know about...the story goes something like this;
One house. Three levels. Four people. The very bottom level is where the mothers live. The middle level is strictly utilitarian, holding the kitchen, dining room and living room. The upper level is where the husband and wife live. So you've got the husband and wife caring for each of their mothers who live with them. Did I mention the husband is 81, the wife 76 ,mother#1 is 99 and mother #2 is 103 ? Oh......the wife does all the care giving for both mothers. The husband plays golf every day......except Saturdays and Sundays.....except when there's a tournament.
Did I mention the husband/son doesn't like his mother?
Oh, did I mention mother #2 doesn't like the sons mother either?
And by the way the wife.......she never did like the mother.
Now there's are reasons why one doesn't like the other.....it goes way back to when the son was growing up.
He tells that his mother made him eat "mush" for breakfast everyday, made him wear knickers to school when all the other boys wore blue jeans and whopped him on a regular basis just for good measure. He got socks and underware for Christmas when all he wanted was a Tonka Truck. He says of himself, he was 4'11 as a senior in high school, a scrawny little kid and he blames his mother for it all.
Now the wife doesn't like the mother because the mother never really accepted her. The mother thought her son, the husband, should have married ole whatshername instead, and so treats the wife with disrespect.
Now the other mother.....the wifes mother, who has lived with the husband and wife for over 20 years, has some resentments going on towards the husbands mother. It started long time ago not sure when exactly but......let me tell you when this ole girl gets a resentment she's like a dog on a bone. Something happend years ago that mother #2 never forgave mother #1 for.
Then.......the real kicker is this......when the husbands mother came to live with them. It was an unexpected thing, something that had to be done but whoda thunk...... The house is already pretty crowded. Now they have to make room for his mother. So some remodeling happens, furniture is moved in, and lives are interrupted. It's an inconvenience but hey, it had to be done. Nobody really likes the situation but.....it had to be done.
Now with two old mothers living with them the retired husband and wife are faced with another dilema. How do they live a retired life?....if they want to take a trip, who will take care of the mothers? The wife is basically confined to the home caring for both mothers, and the husband stays out of everyones way and plays golf every day. Three times a year or so the husband sends the wife off to visit the grandkids.The wifes mother usually goes and stays with her son who is very capable of caring for his mother for a short time. So that leaves the husband home alone to care for his own mother. Now how doyathink that works out?
The husband and wife finally got someone to come in and help. Help with bathing one of the mothers and cleaning their rooms, some laundry and other little things around the house but the burden really is solely on the wife.
Asked why not put them in a home the wife says......I just can't. Not yet. It's not time.
I'm told this has been going on for years.....I mean......multiple years. I've heard stories before of children taking care of their parents.....but this one is for the books.
One house. Three levels. Four people. The very bottom level is where the mothers live. The middle level is strictly utilitarian, holding the kitchen, dining room and living room. The upper level is where the husband and wife live. So you've got the husband and wife caring for each of their mothers who live with them. Did I mention the husband is 81, the wife 76 ,mother#1 is 99 and mother #2 is 103 ? Oh......the wife does all the care giving for both mothers. The husband plays golf every day......except Saturdays and Sundays.....except when there's a tournament.
Did I mention the husband/son doesn't like his mother?
Oh, did I mention mother #2 doesn't like the sons mother either?
And by the way the wife.......she never did like the mother.
Now there's are reasons why one doesn't like the other.....it goes way back to when the son was growing up.
He tells that his mother made him eat "mush" for breakfast everyday, made him wear knickers to school when all the other boys wore blue jeans and whopped him on a regular basis just for good measure. He got socks and underware for Christmas when all he wanted was a Tonka Truck. He says of himself, he was 4'11 as a senior in high school, a scrawny little kid and he blames his mother for it all.
Now the wife doesn't like the mother because the mother never really accepted her. The mother thought her son, the husband, should have married ole whatshername instead, and so treats the wife with disrespect.
Now the other mother.....the wifes mother, who has lived with the husband and wife for over 20 years, has some resentments going on towards the husbands mother. It started long time ago not sure when exactly but......let me tell you when this ole girl gets a resentment she's like a dog on a bone. Something happend years ago that mother #2 never forgave mother #1 for.
Then.......the real kicker is this......when the husbands mother came to live with them. It was an unexpected thing, something that had to be done but whoda thunk...... The house is already pretty crowded. Now they have to make room for his mother. So some remodeling happens, furniture is moved in, and lives are interrupted. It's an inconvenience but hey, it had to be done. Nobody really likes the situation but.....it had to be done.
Now with two old mothers living with them the retired husband and wife are faced with another dilema. How do they live a retired life?....if they want to take a trip, who will take care of the mothers? The wife is basically confined to the home caring for both mothers, and the husband stays out of everyones way and plays golf every day. Three times a year or so the husband sends the wife off to visit the grandkids.The wifes mother usually goes and stays with her son who is very capable of caring for his mother for a short time. So that leaves the husband home alone to care for his own mother. Now how doyathink that works out?
The husband and wife finally got someone to come in and help. Help with bathing one of the mothers and cleaning their rooms, some laundry and other little things around the house but the burden really is solely on the wife.
Asked why not put them in a home the wife says......I just can't. Not yet. It's not time.
I'm told this has been going on for years.....I mean......multiple years. I've heard stories before of children taking care of their parents.....but this one is for the books.
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